Pokemon Journals: Just an Innocent Victim!
by Mikichu
Summary: I know about the episode Training Daze, but I made my own humorous version. These are the first few weeks of after Jessie and James are paired up, along with the cat. Not plotless, but the first few chapters are mostly just for laughs. James' POV. R
1. Week One: HELP ME

OK, I'm taking a break from Rocket Chronicles for the time being, I just wanted to write something from James' point of view. :) So don't hurt me. Please. PLEASE!!! :( :( I'll give you chocolate!

...

**_Monday_**

**Okay. Let me get this straight first. THIS IS A JOURNAL, not a diary. Diaries are for little girls with problems alright? So I'm not going "Dear Diary" every time I open this goddamned book (grabs your collar). Understand??**

8:00

Well, I'm waiting again for my boss to partner me up with someone, my last partner wasn't very cunning, unlike ME. Plus he wasn't handsome, like yours truly. Heh.

Man, I feel like I could take on the world today! I got a fricken MOLTRES!! Do you have any idea how hard that is? (And I caught on fire five times... *shrugs* whatever.) 

I guess I'll just pass the time by writing in here. I could be playing my Gameboy, but the last time the Boss caught me he slashed my pay in half to 500. Stupid Mario... always sucking me into his world of dragons and mushrooms and princesses and bozos and peaches... it goes on and on and on.

My last partner's name was Simon. He was this scrawny little runt, always going everywhere with me. That creep is worse than Jessibelle, leech-like, anyways. At least he never told me when I wasn't proper or looming over my sleeping figure with a whip every night. Ugh. I hate her.

This is boring, but at least it's better than getting massacured by some guy with a spiky shell while annoying music plays in the backround, slowly drilling itself into your brain.

"Koffing!" 

Aw crap. It used sludge on me. Time to get the antidote...

(Three hours and eighty antidotes later)

OK. There, done.

Apparently my boss has found a partner. YES!! I heard it's a toughy! Maybe it's Polo or Marc or...

(20 minutes later)

Oh my fricking god. My boss had paired me up with a... a... a GIRL.

Ugh.

**_Tuesday_**

**_4:00 AM_**

Wow. When he said tough, he meant tough. 

Nobody I know can use a frying pan THAT BLOODY WELL. I mean, this dia- journal is CLOAKED in my nose blood, like the pan. (Now all the ommletes look like me, O.o) And I'm lying in a hospital bed right now. 

"Learned your lesson?" she says, hovering over me.

"I don't know. I ticked you off hours ago before I was out like a light so I can't remember," I snap, a little pissed myself.

**Life Lesson Number One: NEVER talk back to Jessie.**

Her face goes red as her hair and she knocks my ass right out of that bed and practically out to Johto.

Huh. A skilled frying pan AND mallet holder. 

This shall be fun.

(Forty minutes later)

I spoke too soon.

This woman is HOT, sure, but (hold on... she's reading over my shoulder, hits her)

**Life Lesson Number Two: NEVER hit Jessie.**

I awoke several hours later in a daze.

Like I was saying, sure, she's hot and all, but she insults me and her temper and patience is thin as a cheese wire (Oh crap... now I made myself hungry with the mention of cheese) and she totally despises me. She is really strong, I'm at least an inch taller and a year older and she can still kick my ass however she pleases...

"Hey Jess, how old are you?"

**Life Lesson Number Three: Never imply anything to Jessie, even if you are totally unaware of it.**

"ARE YOU SAYING I'M OLD??" she shouts, raising her fist and punching me through a wall.

"Sheesh. Women."

**Life Lesson Number Four: Never say anything like this.**

Alright, two walls down, five to go.

A laughed a little bit. "Your voice gets really high and shrieky when you yell!"

**Life Lesson Number Five: Oh god, do I really need to say any more?**

THAT HAS TO BE THE THIRD MAJOR CONCUSSION TODAY WITHOUT ANT BRIAN DMAJE!

... Nevermind.

**_Wednesday_**

**_10:00_**

Alright, the first mission!!

...

Wait, we need a pokemon too... (slaps forehead) our boss is really slippin'.

"Me-owth! How yous twos doin'? I'm da Poke-mon, Meowth, at yer soirvice!" I hear a voice from behind me.

"WHAT THE FU-"

Jessie quickly cuts me off.

"Awwww, it's so CUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!! AND IT TALKS, TOO! Hold on..." She looked up, realizing the abnormality. "Wait... they aren't supposed to talk..."

"NOOOOOO, Jessie. I thought humans said 'Me-owth' for a living."

So I've forgotten Life Lesson Number One, apparently.

I notice Meowth looking horrified at Jessie when I wake up in midst of being choked as Jessie drags me through a forest by my collar. "Ack... I'm awake now," I wheeze. Jessie, sighing in relief, quickly drops me and Meowth hitches a ride on my shoulder.

"So, how many bricks did you eat today?" Jessie half-jokes.

"...Oh geez, now I'm hungry!" I whine.

**Life Lesson Number Six: NEVER, EVER, complain to Jessie that you are hungry.**

You know the drill.

As I'm climbing back up the cliff, a goose-egg on the back of my head (from a mallet, a certain little mallet), I start wondering: WHAT THE HELL WAS GIO THINKING.

_**Thursday**_

Holy freakin' crap. This woman is a flippin' clone to Jessibelle. Peerrffeeccttt... a remider of a phycopath. Just what I need right now, A REMINDER OF THAT GOD-FORSAKEN LEECH. 

What were Mom and Dad thinking? I swear I was adopted.

Jessie, in the meantime, is rocking along to her MP3. She's listening to Cascada or some crap like that that girls always get into. 

"Dude, that band sounds like Sesame Street somehow got CRACK on their budget," I joke.

**Life Lesson Number Seven: Never make fun of what she likes. EVER.**

She actually got out a CHAINSAW this time. OH my god, now my hair's lopsided.

Holy crap, I'm turning into her. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

"Ohhhh, I'm so scarrreeddd, Jessie!" I whine, trying my best to sound sarcastic.

**Life Lesson Number Eight: Never be sarcastic to Jessie. EVER.**

Oh, just frickin' great. Now she has a blowtorch.

...Now my hair's black.

**_Friday_**

**_5:00 PM_**

Well, seeing as I'm hiding in the closet from my pyro-manic partner, bored out of my skull, I suppose I'll just write in here. Meowth is here with me, trying to strike up converstaion. 

"So... how are tings wit you, Jimmy?" he asks, hopping onto my lap.

I shrug. "Not so good... I mean, that woman is one tough puppy..."

"O.o She's a puppy?" Meowth asks, totally confuzzled (creative word license. Shut up.).

"...It's just a turn of phrase, cat," I blink a bit, and sneeze. It sure is dusty in here. 

"How d'ya toin a phwase?"

"God you're dumb..." I murmur under my breath, then continue with this. "And be quiet, will ya? You don't want her to find us, do you?"

Meowth reels back in horror. "Hell no."

I merely nod. I feel the feline hop onto my shoulder, reading my stuff. (hits him, makes dent in wall and his cry of pain is so loud it lets Jessie know where we are.)

**Life Lesson Number Nine: Never trust felines.**

Jessie was on me like a Houndoom on a bone. I started to defend myself, but got lost in her eyes...

**Life Lesson Numero Ten: Oh god. Never look at those sapphires when you are about to be treated like a f#ing golf ball.**

(bleeding)

**_Saturday_**

**_3:00 PM_**

Aw geez. That's the third blood-soaked tissue box since we were first paired up. I don't really like her, she makes me weak in the knees, she intimidates me all the time... taking my manhood away, dude.

"JAMES!! GET OVER HERE OR I'LL MAKE ANOTHER INDENT OF YOU IN THE FRYING PAN!!" I hear her scream.

"WHAT THE HELL?? I'M JUST MINDING MY OWN BUISNESS HERE, WHY D'YA HAVE TO BE SUCH A BITCH ABOUT IT??"

**Life Lesson Number Eleven: ...Try never to snap in front of or at Jessie.**

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhh, I've done it now. Her face is in the doorway, and she has all four of her "friends" (frying pan, ect.) with her.

Thus endeth the day without pain.

Meowth whimpers. "Quit hurtin' him, Jess!"

"DO YOU WANT TO BE NEXT??"

She snaps at every remark we make! That does it. "Why do you always have to snap at us like that and attempt to kill us? Really! Please, just stop it!"

As the mallet came inches away from my face, she suddenly stopped and took a phone call.

"Thank you, boss," I sigh in relief.

**_Sunday_**

**_7:00 AM_**

Oh god somebody please hellppp....

Well, the maniac is chasing me again, this time with a paper fan. Apparently I said the wrong thing.

Now, I'm gathering, rounding the corner, hiding in the closet again with my furry little friend, that there is only three possibilities in this whole life of mine now:

_**1:I did something she didn't want me to,**_

_**2:I didn't do something she wanted me to, and**_

_**3:I did something she wanted me to do but ended up screwing up on that.**_

My bones are still intact somehow. I'm surprised they aren't crushed to powder by now. (sigh) This is madness. GIO I SWEAR YOU HAVE WENT CRAZY. UGH.

All is quiet except for this pencil scribbling on the page and Meowth. The silence is sickening, really. Meowth is raking his claws on the carpet now, the small sound is fairly grating, but I suppose it's better than being smashed with a mallet.

I figure all is safe, and open the door of the walk-in closet.

Most awkward moment of my life. EVER.

Jessie is standing there, in her skirt and (oh dear god...) a BRA. She whips around, our eyes locking.

For a moment, we all just stood there, looking at each other. (Some of us were blushing, even...) Another cloak of silence made it's way around me. Then Jessie totally shattered it with a scream. "PERVERT!!!"

Next thing I know I'm literally flying out of there with a broken nose and a sore head from getting it smashed against the wall. I must admit, I was aroused.

I hear Meowth chuckling on my shoulder.

I blush again.

**_What I've learned this week:_**

**_I've learned that the most fatal things on earth are:_**

**_A bear that chokes up grenades,_**

**_A dinosaur that has a gun, _**

**_Jessie when you're trying to make her angry._**

**_And I've also learned:_**

**_KNOCK. _**


	2. Week Two: WTF?

**Author's Note: Wow, this took me a long time. O.o;**

**Songs Used:**

**_Sacrifice, _by t.A.T.u.**

**_Tourniqet, _by Evanescence.**

**_Imaginary, _by Evanescence.**

**:::::::::::**

**_Monday_**

**_10:00 AM_**

Alright! Our second mission! We have to catch a Ditto, preferably a trained one. After all, a trained ditto is MUCH stronger than one in the wild... but not as strong as ME. :)

"JAMES!!"

...Or Jessie. :(

"What is it?" I poked my head out of the doorway. "Please don't kill me..." I notice the glare on her face burning through me. "...What did I do now...?"

"I'm not going to kill you."

"Your aren't?"

"No. I'd get fired," she turns around. "But that's the only reason why."

I gulp. "Uhhhhh... right. I'm gonna go hide under that bed over there now..."

I see Jessie roll her eyes. "Loser."

"Aw Jess, Jimmy ain't dat bad," Meowth hops over to the end of the bed and sticks up for me against Jessie A.K.A. spawn of Hitler and a female Hulk.

"Thanks, Meowth, for dying for me," I pet him on the head.

Meowth beams. "Why, I'd stick up fer ya any day, Jim- heeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy... hold on a minute... die?"

Jessie chuckles for what may have been the first time in her life. It was frickin' CREEPY!! It sounded like a female Giovanni! "Mm-hm HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!" No... it sounds as if Giovanni and that creepy anime chick, I think her name starts with an "H", mated? Yeaahhh. That laugh would be the SPAWNNNNN...

I see Meowth's eye twich a bit and he shudders. "Don't do dat again. It's creepy..."

Jessie's face turns red. "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!" she shrieks. The glass window above Meowth shatters and it lands on his head, cutting him. I swear to god all the Pokemon whithin the ten-mile radius went freakin' DEAF.

**Life Lesson Number Twelve: Always leave the room when Jessie is singing. I don't want glass in my toes...**

I notice how much my partner's hair looks like the swirly in a cinnamon bun. DAMMIT. Hunger strikes again.

LATER

Well, we got the ditto! YAY for me! ...Except Jessie pretty much caught it. We all got some booze out because we got a raise. Cause for a celebration!

... O.O OMFG holy FRIG! (gets some more booze out, tries to drink self into forgetting the sight before me).

Jessie is getting pretty tipsy... Ah, who am I kidding? SHE'S FRICKIN' **HAMMERED**.

Jessie is flirting with me. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- woah.

Is she...

"MY EYES!!!! I'VE SEEN TOO MUCH!!" Meowth is covering his eyes. 

"Meowth, at least she's not taking off her under- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I stumble backwards and knock over the lamp.

**Life Lesson Number Thirteen: HIDE THE BEER. (is traumatized)**

**_Tuesday_**

**_4:00 AM_**

Well, today is going to be another fun-filled day of pain. Jessie has a hangover and some nausea and she is in a BADDDD mood. So, if I make a move without her telling me, it will be fatal... but if she has to order me around like a Growlithe then I'll also get killed. Nice. Looks like I'm gonna die no matter what.

You know, at this point, I'd actually embrace it...

WOAH!!! WOAH!!! O.O; EMO LINE!!! BEWARE! 

(starts ripping up the page)

(stops ripping up the page) Meh. It's not like anyone will see this book anyways...

**Life Lesson Number Fourteen: Never assume the feline on your shoulder isn't nosy enough to read your stuff.**

"Woah, Jim, are you toinin' EMO?!" Meowth hops onto the desk and pulls up my sleeves so he can see my wrists. Seeing no visible scars, he breaths a sigh of relief. "Good. I don't want you goin' and killin' yerself."

T.T "Meowth, I'm glad you're concerned, but I'd prefer if you didn't read my uh... private journal over my shoulder," I cover the rest of the page with my hand after I finish writing this sentence.

"Ohhhhh, sorry Jim. I didn't know that was yoir diary!" Meowth shrugs.

I swat him over the head with the hardcover journal. "NO!! This is NOT a diary!! Diaries are for little girls with problems, not (devilishly handsome) men who just write to hide from their sadistic phycopath of a partner who looks exactly like someone they'd not be reminded of."

"...And who might dat be?" Meowth asks, wondering who in the world would EVER want to look like Jessie.

I suppress a shudder with great difficulty. "...Don't ask."

"Uh... shoire ting."

"THANK YOU."

I look over and just notice Jessie standing the the doorway. "WHO looks like me?"

I look over and sigh. "I'll tell you later."

Jessie raises her eyebrows a tad. "I am not a phycopath."

**Life Lesson Number Fifteen: Don't call Jessie something behind her back.**

(in a mini-coma)

(out of mini-coma)

O.O (blink) WTF? Where the HELL am I?

Ooh... I think I'm in the ditch outside of our hideout. Y'know, the ditch where the train runs through... And I'm tied up... That's kind of weird. Hey, is that a train whistle? Oh....

Crap.

**_Wednesday_**

**_6:00 PM_**

I'm not really sure how I survived THAT one. I think the last thing I remembered was... I think it was Meowth untying me...

O.O

That little furball saved me!

**Life Lesson Number Sixteen: Always make sure Meowth is around when you piss Jessie off. In other words, keep that little kitty around AT ALL TIMES.**

I walk up to Meowth. "Hey, thanks for saving me last night. I owe you big time, little buddy."

Meowth just sits there, grooming himself. "Meh, it was nothin'. If you were dead, den I wouldn't have anyone ta talk to without gettin' a beatin' aftawards."

I chuckle. "True. Still, if you need anything, I really do owe you."

"I'll do dat, Jim," Meowth says with an evil look on his furry face. "I'll do dat."

I gulp. "Does it have anything with me going up to Jessie to play a prank you thought up?" I ask.

Meowth grins. "Depends if I'm angry wit ya or not."

"So... in other words, I have to suck up?" I ask.

Meowth nods. "I like my hot chocolate with milk and whipped cream."

I grin. "Coming right up."

"HEY!!" Jessie's face is in the doorway, red as her hair. "I WANT SOME TOOOOO!!!!11!! 8(

Then, I said a word that, in Jessinese, means "kill me". "No."

I think I'm about to owe Meowth a second favor.

_**Thursday**_

**_4:00 PM_**

I guess I only owe Meowth a bunch of suck-up until one favor passes. Jessie just snorted and walked away from me. O.o I know she has something up her sleeve...

"Your hair is WAYYY too long," she says, turning to me.

"At least MY hair doesn't go all the way into my head like a Barbie doll's, Jess-i-ca." I sip my hot chocolate.

She looks horrified. "Are you calling me a BARBIE DOLL?!"

"No," I say, smirking, "Barbie dolls are skinny."

She is so insulted she can't do anything.

Meowth snickers from beside me. "Walk walk walk walk walk walk BAM!!"

I look at Jessie. "He's right, you did walk right into it."

Jessie runs into her room crying. "WAHHH HE DOUBTS MY PERFECTION!! :("

**Life Lesson Number... what, Seventeen? O.o: If you want to insult Jessie, and not get beaten, then you just call her fat VERRYY swiftly. Make sure she walks into it first.**

Meowth looks in the direction where Jessie disappeared. He high-fives me. "Niiiceee!"

I smile. That one's going in my "Big Book of Burns: Every Kind of Insult and More!". It's a thing I'm working on for the Boss. He likes insults and they give him a good laugh. So, one day, I was just insulting the heck out of Simon (remember, the scrawny little runt who used to be my partner? At this point, I actually prefer him to Jessie. T.T) and the Boss was just gut-laughing. It was a little creepy, actually. "MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!! BURN!!! TOU JUST GOT TORCHED!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!! 8D". Yeah, kinda creepy, but hey. I have sections in it, that describe my situations. "Introduction: Finding the Perfect Burn", and everything like that. It's gonna be great. :D I better get a raise out of it... T.T

**_Friday_**

**_3:00 PM_**

I got chapter two of my Burn Book done. I put that little tidbit with the whole Barbie thing. I called the exchange "Barbie Doll", because I am soooo very creative. Jessie is on Jango or whatever, listening to t. A .T .u. or whatever. She's singing along, and totally butchering it.

_"I. Will. Sac-ri-fice, I. Will. Sac-ri-fice, all. I. have in life to clear my-"_

"t. A. T. u. hears you singing and they are crying," I say, peeking in the doorway. "Their ears hurt so much they can't help it."

I tell you, that insult just whizzed over her head. She jumps out of her chair and presses her face against mine. (No, she didn't kiss me... she was close though... o.o;) "THEY'RE HERE!! WHERE WHERE WHERE!???" She spins around as if expecting to see t. A. T. u. sometwhere in her room. And, I suppose, they were. There were posters EVVEERRYYYWHERE. You couldn't see the paint on the walls, for StarClan's sake! (Ahh... whoops... o.o; I better lay off the Warriors books for a while...) "WHERE, JAMES!??"

I saw my chance. "They're... uh... in the Boss's office."

You could hear Boss shouting at her from across the town.

**Life Lesson Number Eighteen: When you want Jessie out of your hair, just tell her that one of her favorite bands is somewhere very far away.**

(Three hours later)

I'm sitting here at the computer, listening to Evanescence (SHUT UP!! It's a good band...) and singing along. (I have to sing an octave or so lower- if I even TRIED hitting some of those notes, I'd sound just horrible.)

**"I tried to kill the pain,  
"But only brought more.  
"So much more.  
"I lay dying,  
"And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal.  
"I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming.  
"Am I too lost to be saved?  
"Am I too lost?  
**

**"My God, my tourniquet,  
"Return to me salvation.  
"My God, my tourniquet,  
"Return to me salvation.**

**"Do you remember me,  
"Lost for so long?  
"Will you be on the other side,  
"Or will you forget me?  
"I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming.  
"Am I too lost to be saved?  
"Am I too lost?**

**"My God, my tourniquet,  
"Return to me salvation.  
"My God my tourniquet  
"Return to me salvation.**

**"I want to die!**

**"My God, my tourniquet,  
Return to me salvation.  
My God, my tourniquet,  
Return to me salvation.**

**My wounds cry for the grave.  
My soul cries for deliverance.  
Will I be denied, Christ?  
Tourniquet.  
My suicide."**

Jessie comes in the room as soon as the second song starts. "That's a bit dark, isn't it?"

I look at her. "Dark? Sure, the suicide part is dark. But, she's realizing her mistake in the song and asking the Lord for salvation."

Jessie blinks. "Fine."

I start the second song:

**"I linger in the doorway  
"Of alarm clocks screaming,  
"Monsters calling my name.  
"Let me stay,  
"Where the wind will whisper to me.  
"Where the raindrops, as they're falling, tell a story.  
**

**"In my field of paper flowers,  
"With candy clouds of lullaby.  
"I lie inside myself for hours,  
"And watch my purple sky fly over me.**

**"Don't say I'm out of touch,  
"With this rampant chaos - your reality.  
"I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge.  
"The nightmare I built my own world to escape.**

**"In my field of paper flowers,  
"With candy clouds of lullaby.  
"I lie inside myself for hours,  
"And watch my purple sky fly over me.**

**"Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming,  
"Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights.  
"Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming,  
"The goddess of imaginary light.  
**

**"In my field of paper flowers,  
"With candy clouds of lullaby.  
"I lie inside myself for hours,  
"And watch my purple sky fly over me."**

Jessie walks in the room again and rolls her blue eyes. "Wow, and you think that my bands are lame, James. Geez you were way out of key with that..."

"I was singing an octave lower, Jessie," I glare at her. "There's an amazing difference."

Meowth hops into the room. "Even I knew dat, Jess!"

Jessie, who now feels stupid, runs into her room and crys.

Muahaha.

**_Saturday_**

**_5:00 AM_**

The Boss has called us on another mission. We're supossed to rob... A Pokemon Center...?

W.

T.

F?

Whatever. He must know something we don't, I guess....

Erg. "Jessie! Come on!" We hop into the balloon.

(three hours later, over Viridian City)

Jessie snorts. "A wanted poster. How flattering."

"Flattering?" I scoff. "This picture makes me look terrible."

"Then you should be happy the photographer captured the real you," Jessie smirks.

Was that supposed to hurt, Jessica? "Exactly. I'm going to make the people of Viridian City sorry they saw this face!"

"We're all sorry we saw your face. Stay focused. We're here to capture rare and unusual Pokemon!" Meowth yells.

Okay.

That one actually hurt.

(one hour later)

"Wow, Jessie, that chick is as angry as you!" I exclaim, looking out of the side of the balloon.

There's some redhead going down the road, carrying a bike, screaming curses I've never even heard of in my sixteen years. "I SWEAR TO GOD YOU LITTLE (bleep) KID YOU ARE (bleep) GONNA (bleep) PAY FOR WRECKING MY (bleep bleep) BIKE RAHHHHHHHHHHH (BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)!!!"

**Life Lesson Number... Nineteen?: Never steal a chick's bike.**

"Creepy," Meowth muses. "Look, dere's da Poke-mon Center! C'mon, guys!!"

(one half-hour later)

EPIC.

FAIL.

I have no idea how we managed that. One minute we were almost getting the prize as usual, the next this whole Pokemon Center is getting blown to smithereens by some little yellow rat on a broken bike. Wow. That was just... sad. O.o And some dumb little kid (the one with the bike) was throwing these stupid water pokemon at us...

And then taking them back...

T.T;

**_Sunday_**

**_6:00_**

"JESSICA," the Boss fumes, "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED THERE!?"

Jessie looks at the Boss, about as angry as him. "James screwed it up!"

I did not!" I yell. "The stupid little Pikachu blew up the center!"

"BLEW IT UP!?" Boss looks just... amazed. "I want you to catch it! Catch it or get fired."

"Go after a rat that blew up a Pokemon center?" I ask.

"Yes!"

...

......

.........

Crap.

**Things I've Leanred This Week:**

**Chicks really like bikes. O.o;**

**Also:**

**Pikachu: The Almighty God of Electrical Pokemon.**


	3. Week Three and Four: OHMIGAWD

**I decided to start this up again. Kudos to anyone who got the Hugarishi reference in the last chapter.**

**:::**

**_Monday_**

**7:00 AM**

Jessie, I am going to KILL you.

So, thanks to our Boss deciding to go after that stupid rat, we're stuck in the middle of the Viridian Forest with a bunch of pokemon carrying Arceus knows how many diseases.

Ugh.

I knew I should have stayed in my sleeping bag this morning.

I mean, somehow, I knew this was gonna be a bad day. Jessie kicked me out of bed (literally; she kicked me until I got up), and- AHHHHHHH!!!! THERE'S A BUG CRAWLING UP MY DIA- ...JOURNAL!!! (Swat swat swat.)

Ewww, I'm covered in Caterpie Goo. (Cringe.) Bad day bad day bad day badday baddaybaddaybaddaybadday!

**Life Lesson Number Twenty: Bugs. Are. Freaking. GROSS.**

"You're such a wuss," Jessie says, holding our paper tank over her head. "Come on! We have some work to do!"

"Yeah!" Meowth grins, hopping on the the top of the box. "Onward, minions!"

Of course, I didn't say anything about it, because I had to suck up to him for who knows how long. Jessie just ignored him so she could plot her revenge (which, let me say, was very entertaining aside from the fact we almost drowned), and we started moving.

It wasn't long before we heard the little "Twerp", as we came to call him. "I JUST CAUGHT A POKEMONS OMG OMG OMG YAYYYYY!"

"EWWWW ASH GET THAT AWAY FROM ME I HATE BUGGSSSS! AHHHHH!!"

"MAYBE IT'S A COW-TERPIE!!!"

...No, Ash.

Just no.

:::

**12:00 PM**

Fail, fail, faillll....

I used sludge on the little rat-thing (I think it was a good idea) and then...

String Shot?

WHAT?! NO, NO!! THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!! I may be only sixteen but I know a freaking anime plot-hole when I see one! String Shot lowers SPEED.

**Life Lesson Number Twenty-One: String Shot can paralyze... apparently.**

I lift up the tank and find a bunch of Weedles eating it. I would swat them but I'm sure it couldn't be pretty. "Ahh!" Jessie cries. "They're eating it!"

"We made it from paper to reduce the weight!"

"Numbskulls."

I clench my fist and point at Jessie. "This... was your idea."

Jessie looks down, and then punches me.

I awoke several hours later in a daze.

:::

**10:00 PM**

I sigh and hit myself with my journal, wincing. (It's a hardcover.)

"Hey, Jim." Meowth pads into the room and hops on my desk. "Watcha writin'?"

"I fail to see how that's any of your bloody business," I snap, swiping the book away.

"Don't get me mad, Jimmy," Meowth warns. "'Cause I tought of dis great prank ta play on Jessie, see, and-"

"Okay, okay, you can see it!" I nod, giving Meowth the book. "Just uh... don't read page number thr-"

"Hey, dat's da time ya walked in on Jess changin'!" Meowth exclaims, turning to the page I was about to tell him NOT to read. "I rememba dat. Says here you were _aroused _by it."

"Well, uh..." I gulp and look down. "I'm a guy. To see any woman undressing makes me-"

Meowth bursts out laughing.

**Life Lesson Number Twenty-Two: If Meowth says something that can pontentally embarrass you, DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO DELVE FURTHER INTO THE SUBJECT. It just makes it more fun for him. T.T **

"Sh... shut up," I stammer, blushing and swiping the book away from him.

"Hey, it said ya liked Warriors books!" Meowth continues, either oblivious to my anger or just ignoring it altogether. "I like dem too, Jim. Do ya have any?"

"I have some from 'The New Prophecy'," I shrug. "Why?"

"Ooh, can we read some!?" he asks, hopping about and clapping his paws like a fangirl-cat. "Pleaasseeee?! I just finished da foist series!"

I shrug, taking a books labeled "Warriors: The New Prophecy: Midnight" off of a shelf. "Sure. I must warn you, though, the second book is _really_ sad. I, like, started bawling."

"Yoir just a big softie, dat's all," Meowth chuckles, licking his paw and running it over his ear.

"Shut your face!"

Meowth just grins stupidly and hops on the desk. "Yeah, yeah. Get on with da readin'. Dis'll be dat favor ya owe me, okay? It'll be over when da book's ova."

"Sure, whatever," I sigh, and sit down, starting to read.

That was when Jessie burst in and used fricking FURY SWIPES on the book.

**Life Lesson Number Twenty-Three: Don't do anything literate in front of Jessie.**

"What do you think you're doing?!" she demands.

"Uhhh, reading?" I sweatdrop. "Duh?"

"DON'T YOU READ IN FRONT OF ME!!! WE HAVE WORK TO DO!!!"

I reel back and put the shredded remains of the book back on the shelf. "Like what?"

"WE HAVE TO WORK ON CATCHING THAT PIKACHU!!!

...

Crapppppp.........

**_Some Time After... the Days Are Starting To Blur Together..._**

I now officially HATE water-types.

"I wonder what we're having for dinner," Meowth says. "Maybe tacos."

"Just no pizza," I add. Jessie goes all 9/11 on us.

So, Jessie, Meowth and I are having a picnic, when some squirtles show up and take our food, tying us to a tree. Greattt, just what I need, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles showing up and taking away my meal! The leader has these creepy shades... it's like a water-type Horatio! Gawd...

_**The Next Monday.**_

Perfect.

F--KING PERFECT.

We're stuck on a sinking ship and we're with the twerps. Misty wanted us to work together. I dunno. 

I kinda feel like Leo DiCaprio, except without the ugliness and the super-hot female companion screaming "JACK!" at the top of her lungs.

**And now, it's time for...**

**TITANIC- in a Nutshell.**

**"Hi! I just won some tickets to the Titanic! I'm Jack. I'm a criminal! Hey, you're a pretty girl! Let's go to a party! LALALALAAAA!" SMACK. "Oh no, the ship is sinking even though it's unsinkable! OMG! Let's go!"**

**"JACK! JACK!"**

**"I'm trapped with handcuffs because I'm a criminal! Did I metnion your father's a douchebag?"**

**"JACK! JACK!"**

**"Go get an axe! For some reason people think that you should have an axe on a sinking ship in case of emergency, even though that makes no sense!"**

**"JACK! JACK!" (Gets axe.) CHOP!**

**"Yay, I'm free! Now let's go!"**

**"JACK! JACK!"**

**"Oh, that's the wrong way! Let's go back!"**

**"JACK! JACK!"**

**"Ahhh! We're stuck at the top of the ship! People are falling off! Jump!"**

**"JACCCCCCKKKKK!!!" (Jumps)**

**"We're dying! Never let go!"**

**"JACK! JACK!"**

**"Oh, I'm dead." (Drowns)**

**"JACKKKKK!!!!" (Insert Celine Dion Song Here.)**

I think we're gonna be okay. Misty sure knows what she's doing.

"Jessicaaaa..." Holy crap, what was that?! "Oh, Jessie, please don't abandon me!"

AHHHHHHH.

I think I'm starting to...

To LIKE her!

Anyway, we're about to escape. Ha ha!

:::

...

........

* * *

**MISTY YOU BACKSTABBING BITCH!!!**

**Life Lesson Number Twenty-Three: NEVER trust that little girl again.**

She should know by now that we don't have water pokemon. Bitch. T.T

Wait, I do have that Magikarp!

(Cast it)

...

IT'S JUST FLOPPING THERE.

DAMMIT.

DAMMITTTT.

(Cries)

I'M GOING TO DIE TONIGHT!!

:::

What...

What happened?

The twerps are standing over me, screaming something about zombies. I dunno.

"WE'RE NOT ZOMBIES!!!" Jessie and I shout at the same time. Eeee, that was creepy!

I kick the Magikarp in frustration. It evolves into a Gyrados!

And that, kids, leads us to **Life Lesson Number Twenty-Four: Never abuse pokemon. They will turn into a Gyrados and EAT YOUR HEAD.**

I'm sorry I didn't write thoughtout this week...

"Oh no! DRAGON RAGE!!!"

...

SHIT.

:::

Well, I'm stranded on an island without Meowth. I just hugged Jessie (don't ask... it was weird...) so I guess I have nothing else to do but write in this journal. I mean, Jessie'll just hit me no matter WHAT I do, so what better way to spend your time than venting?

Let's see... what happened today?

I got shipwrecked.

A pokemon tried to eat my head.

I got stranded on an island.

...

I HATE Mondays.

**_Tuesday_**

**_8:00 AM_**

I'm still on this Arceus-Forsaken island.

GIANT PIKACHUUUUU!!!!

(Running awayyyyyyyy.)

:::

Ooh, I'm stuck in a phone booth with Jessie, yay. Tch. We're pulling the cord (because Jessie thinks it'll lead us to the phone company, but I think it'll go underwater and come up on the mainland...), and it's REALLY tiring.

I feel angsty.

I'm gonna write something really sad now. Yay.

**Catch me as I fall,**

**Say you're here and that you are my all.**

**There isn't enough atmosphere.**

**I cry for help but there is no one here.**

**I'm about to go insane,**

**But if I will it all away,**

**I know I can stop the pain.**

**Whatever you do, don't turn away,**

**Try to not give into the pain,**

**And please don't try to hide,**

**Although they're all screaming your name.**

**Don't close your tear-filled eyes,**

**God knows what lies behind.**

**Don't turn and shut off the light.**

**If you never sleep you shall never die.**

Okay, that was... kinda angsty...

Weird...

"What are you doing?!" Jessie asks, grabbing this journal away from me. "You have a diary!?"

"IT'S A** JOURNAL.**"

"Yeahhhh, sure," she smirks, flipping through some of the pages. "Hey... isn't that the time you walked in on me taking me clothes o-"

I snatch the book away, my face turning the colour of her hair. "Yes, it is, now shut up about it and let me get on with my uh... musings."

**Life Lesson Number Twenty-Five: Oh, Arceus, NEVER write about stuff like that... and musings is a bad word to use when you're trying to convince someone it's NOT a diary...**

"So it **_is _**a diary!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Heh heh," Jessie grabs the book and holds it up. "Ooh, wait until the Boss sees THIS."

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! GIVE THAT BACK!!!"

"Then play along," she growls and grabs my collar, "and pretend you're my friend. Take your stupid book. Next time you say ANYTHING to make it look like we're not friends, this is going straight to the Boss."

I squeak and hug my book to my chest. "Yeah, Jess. No problem. Eh heh heh heh..." (Sweatdrop) "Firends. Uh-huh."

...I am soooo screwed.

_**Wednesday**_

**5:00 PM**

I.

Am.

So.

Scared.

I think I'm starting to develop a "bond" with Jessie. Like, more than a friendship thing. (Shudder.) I don't get it! Who could EVER fall in love with that quick-tempered, nit-witted, agressive, beautiful... sweet... innocent.......

**Life Lesson Number Twenty-Six: Woah, lay off the adjectives there, Jim. o.O**

We're still stuck here on this island. The twerps are nowhere in sight -I guess that's a good thing though, considering that Jessie'll kill me if I imply to them that we're not friends- and I'm Hungry. Hey, look, a coconut!! (SMACK) ...Oh, look, my head is bleeding from a fallen coconut...

I'm sitting down now, drawing something kinda random. It's a girl walking through a field of tall grass, wit hstorm clouds above her. She's holding her hand out, as if to catch the rain, but there are no raindrops. It's fully shaded, but only shaded because I have no colouring utensils. Well, I coloured in everything gray, I suppose. The caption below reads: **"I'm still waiting for the rain to fall, pouring life on me..."**

Jessie comes up behind me, and looks over my shoulder. I'm not concerned... why would she be interested in what I'm doing anyway?

"Hey, that looks cool," she saids, sounding a little surprised.

"Whatever," I mumble half-heartedly, thinking she's being sarcastic. I turn the page and draw another, a girl lying in a field of roses. Her eyes are closed and her black hair is sprawled out, petals sticking out of her long locks. Her skin is pale. There are scratches on her skin, possibly from the thorns. the captions read: **"Has no one told you, she's not breathing?"**

"Aww... that's sad..." Jessie sounds about ready to cry, which astounds me, because Jessie isn't the sort to cry at pictures or movies or songs or whatever. "Really sad."

"Uhhhm... sure." I close my book and stand up. "Leave me alone now, okay please thanks? I'm gonna draw more and I can't do it with someone leaning over my shoulder."

Jessie sighs. "You should send them out to a contest or something. They are really good."

I laughed. Not my giddy, happy, horse-like laugh. No, it was my normal, sarcastic laugh. "Yeah, sure. And swinub flies."

"Why not?"

"I dunno. I just don't think they're THAT good... I don't think they're good at all."

Jessie looks at me like I have two heads, and walk away.

**_Note to self: UNDERSTAND WOMEM._**

**_Thursday_**

**6:00 PM**

Well... that went well.

We were being chased by this gigantic pokemon and we jumped into a railcar. We jumped in, it went back, and...

"Let's hit the brakes and run for it!" Jessie shouts.

"Right!" I nod, and put my hand on hers because it's hogging the brake.

"One, two, three... PULL!" And for some reason, we both push on the brake. We're left holding hands, we both sweatdrop, and we run into the twerps, and we're all reunited with our pokemon after Jessie spazzes out when we do a loop. (I, personally, thought it was GREAT.)

**Life Lesson Number Twenty-Six. Wow, that's big number!: Next time you get a vacation, we're going STRAIGHT to an all-coaster theme park. (evil laugh)**

**_Friday_**

**7:50 AM**

My. Worst. FEAR... has been realized.

This was bound to happen sooner or later, I guess. But what's worse, it will happen again and again. At least i can predict when, I suppose.

Jessie.

Is PMSing.

My life is literally flashing before my eyes.

"JAMES. EDWARD. MORGAN." Holy shit, she sounds like my mother! (Cringe)

"Yeah, Jess?"

"GET OVER HERE. I'VE GOTTA KILL SOMETHING BEFORE I END UP BURNING THIS HOUSE."

(Gulp.)

**LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT**

To my friend, Meowth, I would like to leave-

**_"JAMES."_**

"C- coming!!" I wander into the room, half-expecting to see Jessie, half-expecting to see a demonic figure of her. It's Jessie with her hair down, and in a tight, (and even more revealing than her Team Rocket outfit) ebony shirt and black pants with gothic makeup. She's wearing her normal boots, at least. I stare.

"WHAT?! Never seen a goth before?"

Now, I admit, I haven't. But I couldn't say that. "I just uh... didn't expect you to-"

"I HAVE PLENTY OF PROBLEMS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. SO SHUT UP."

I shrink back. "Uh-huh, I see. Heh. Uh..." I looked her over. She looked absolutely stunning with her hair down. Now, with the lipstick and makeup, it brings out the radience of her hair even more-

**HOLY CRAP, WHAT THE HELL AM I WRITING?!!**

But gothic is kinda a good look on her...

**STOP IT, JAMES!!**

Though, she does look wonderful... her eyes... god, they're so pretty...

**WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!**

Her hair is so long and soft... and radiant...

**QUIT IT RIGHT NOW.**

I wonder if she feels the same-

**YOU ARE SUCH A FREAKING IDIOT!!!**

Oh, Jessie... have I fallen in love with you?

**DEAR GOD I HOPE NOT.**

**...**

**_Saturday_**

**12:42 AM (We were up really late... we were camping. So what?)**

"Jess... I tought dat goils were supposed ta get BITCHY on deir monthly." Meowth, you have just won the award for "**WORST CONVERSATION STARTER EVER." **Congrats. I think.

"I'm different," Jessie retorts. "I don't get bitchy, because I'm already bitchy. Me? I get depressed."

"I guess that explains the makeup?" I venture boldly.

"Yes, it does," Jessie says sharply. "Are you making fun of me?!"

"No! Never, master!"

"GOOD."

I think Jessie is half-asleep. She's kinda muttering odd things, about bagels and how she hates me and the whole world and bread because it makes you fat or something. I dunno. I'm only half-listening, because I'm almost asleep, too.

"Aww, Jim, don't fall asleep on me! I'm still awake ova here!" Meowth scratches my face. I can feel it bleeding profusely. 

"OWWW!" I shout. "I was still awake, you furball!"

"I know."

"You are such a-"

"Keep it down!" Jessie shouts. "I'm trying to sleep!"

"Sorry, Jess," I reply. She lays back down and soon starts sleeping. I wonder what she's dreaming about?

Beating on me, no doubt. I bet she enjoys it. T.T

"So, James..." Meowth hops on my pillow, curling up and getting comfertable, "...I see dat you're uhm..." he clears his throat, "...'infatuated', let's put it, it Jessie."

"No, I am not uh..." Okay. I'm a terrible liar. There's no use. "Yeah. How did you know?"

"I read your 'joinal' ting again."

"HOW DARE YOU-"

"Shush, you'll wake Jess up!"

"Right."

**Life Lesson Number Twenty-Seven: Oh, James, you have to remember this: NEVER LEAVE YOUR JOURNAL UNATTENDED. EVER.**

"Besides," Meowth continues, "it's quite obvious, ya know. REAL obvious. As obvious as your bisexual nature is."

"...WHAT?!!!"

"Well, if ya didn't love Jess, anyone could assume you were gay..."

"Meowth, you're really starting to piss me off here."

"With da roses, fashion sense, hair..."

"Are you saying there's something wrong with blue?!"

"No, it's just long."

"So?"

"...And da voice-"

"I can't help that!!"

"And da fact dat you act REAL feminine sometimes-"

Without thinking, I grab my hardcover journal and start beating him with it. "I'M STRAIGHT, YOU DOUCHEBAG."

"Okay, okay... gee wizz, you'd tink I offended ya or someting."

...... T.T;

**_Sunday_**

**4:00 AM**

Well, nothing much to say, I guess. We start working tomorrow again...

And Jessie is still in her goth phase thing. I dunno.

I dyed my hair black just for fun. Brock comes up from behind me.

"Hey there, girrrlll!! You look nice!! I LOVE YOU!"

I turn around. "Dude... it's me..."

"HOLY CRAP!!!" He looks really embarrassed. "DUDE, GET YOUR HAIR CUT!!!"

**What I Learned This Week:**

**When Jessie goes goth, don't comment or else.**

**Make sure to stay manly. I don't want people to assume, and I mean no harm by this, that I'm gay. I don't think that suits me.**

**AGGG, I just got a mental image! O.o**

**I Also Learned:**

**Stick. With blue.**


End file.
